Saturday, 31 December 2011

It's Not Me, It's You!

The end of the year is upon us my dear readers, and this blog is dedicated specifically to all the people in my life, who made it extra special this past year. I thought 2010 was tough, but 2011 kicked my butt. So here is some what of a love letter directed towards the nearest and dearest (there wasn't enough room for everyone). These select group of people continue to make my life what it is - the good, the bad, and the absurd. I have a nice glass of Apple Vodka, thanks to Thalia. So let it begin... as it's a good soul cleanse for me :)

The Complicator (My Special Someone)

Another year has passed and thank you for minimizing my birthday yet again, especially after the hellish year I had. Thank you for refusing to verbally acknowledge our time together and what our relationship means in the grand scheme of things, where we are going etc. Just once, I wish you you would take a soulful interest in me and actually ask me what I want instead of telling me what you think I need. Thank you also for giving me fry pans on my birthday when I was already feeling down, because nothing cheers a girl up like getting a pair of fry pans on her birthday! Thank you for making us a nice New Year's Eve dinner, and then quickly disappearing into the other room to check on Ebay (which you've been on since yesterday), because at the end of the year, what's really important, is that you close the bid on the seven hundredth pair of speakers that you don't need. Instead, I wish we were dancing to the beautiful, chilled out tunes playing in the background. Anyway, thank you for making brownies at my request. I love you but you drive me crazy.

My Darling Family (Sans Thalia)

Thank you for all your love and support (especially my mum) this past year. Thank you also for continuing to drive me bonkers, just when I think I can't take any more idiotic short term decisions that affect all of us long term. Thank you for the non stop guilt trips when I don't come through for you on every single request when I'm already drained mentally and physically. Thank you for filling up my year with your doctors appointments and singling me out of three siblings to drive you to every one of them in spite of my own schedule - work and social, because of course, that doesn't ever matter. Also thank you for calling on me at any time of the day and for looking at me as your own personal "Crisis Management Centre". Thank you for making a lovely birthday dinner in my honour and then proceeding to get into silly arguments and screaming matches with one another like George's family in Seinfeld. I love you all dearly, but please, give it a rest!

Karina (My Russian Friend)


Thank you for sucking up my time all year round about your minuscule problems that seem so big in your tiny head, any time you see me, regardless of the occasion - e.g. my graduation dinner, Mariya's birthday dinner, girls' night out etc. Thank you for making anything and everything about you, always. Thank you for monopolizing my time on the phone with your never ending slew of problems, "What should I do, blah, blah, blah?" Thank you for keeping "your close friends" out of the loop of every important decision you've ever made, such as buying a condo, going to Miami for the weekend without even a word to us for fear of "any bad luck". And of course pushing all your girlfriends aside the moment you're back with your on again, off again, who gives a s--t boyfriend, Flavio who is not French (like you keep introducing him), but actually Portuguese, and apparently appears to be from another century, with his narrow minded thoughts about women! Thank you for never bothering to check up on me, to see how I'm doing from time to time. But rest assured, when things falter between you and Flavio, I'll be here for you to listen (again) and coordinate another girls' night out, because that's what friends do.

Enough said (for now)...It's time to get this party started.
Happy New Year People!

Moody Girl Out.

Thursday, 15 December 2011

Dreamers' Reality

Sometimes great expectations can turn into low expectations without even realizing it. Hopes and dreams can suddenly be justified as fantasy by naysayers. What's wrong with believing in a little magic from time to time. All it takes is one swift wave of the proverbial magic wand to change your perspective in a mundane world, to put you on the track to believing again. What a shame to lose that child like quality brought out around sentimental holidays, especially around Christmas, only to be unconsciously squashed by a realist. What would life be like without the dreamers of the world?

Recently there was a funny yet memorable episode on the comedy Modern Family about the dreamers versus the realists. The episode concluded with the adorable character of Cam saying, "Realists keep dreamers from soaring too close to the sun". "Without dreamers, realists would never get off the ground". I love that line, it's so true and has stayed with me since watching the episode.Yes, realists have their place in the world and keep the dreamers grounded. But what if some realists over time, in an effort to keep the dreamers in their life grounded, inadvertently push you underground making it hard to breathe let alone dream. How do the dreamers retain their child like magical quality then? Is it time for a vacation, a place to escape under the warm sun and rejuvenate. Or disappear to a local, favourite haunt where you can elude your troubles for one night with a strong drink and a change of ambiance to lift your spirits.

In a relationship, the ability to dream can be an important motivator, both together and separately, but when the dreaming dissolves on every level, it truly is sad. Sure you can go through the motions of day to day living, while secretly feeling numb inside. When there is nothing to look forward to in a relationship, then what? Or, are relationships about moments of happiness like everything else in life? After watching the most recent episode of Once Upon a Time, I wondered if my heart had been placed in a box like the Evil Queen/Regina did to prevent The Huntsman/Sheriff Graham from feeling anything and eventually crushed his heart in the present world, just as he felt something when he kissed Emma. It was a good episode, and I was (briefly) reminded of how much I miss my favourite show Lost so much. Watching the brilliant (and sometimes frustrating) Lost, allowed me to disappear into the different worlds of the characters and intersecting story lines, where characters were trying to escape their past, redo their lives, correct their past mistakes, get out of purgatory (so many themes etc). It makes you wonder, what if we are re-living our lives in a different world of some sort, where either we are trying to right a wrong done from another time/space or where we had the ability to alter our choices in a parallel world and carve a new destiny for ourselves like in the film Sliding Doors (I love that film). Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had taken another path or could live two lives simultaneously until I could decide which one was best.

I know it's not too late to change my path in life, but I feel I need some additional inspiration, something magical like stardust, or a shining star to guide me through the dense fog of uncertainty. After all it's easier to live a life of the safe and familiar than the exciting and possibly rewarding prospect of the unknown. There's a great line in Fiona Apple's song called Sleep to Dream, "I got my feet on the ground and I don't sleep to dream." Ah, it seems that I'm the opposite, as I only sleep to dream!

Moody Girl Out.

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Debt Becomes Her

With Xmas just around the corner, nothing gives me more displeasure than not being able to shop for family and friends but most of all myself. There's nothing like succumbing to the pressures of advertising and buying a sparkly gift for yourself that will put a smile on your face for years to come, er okay rather weeks to come. I buy something for someone else and then I buy something for myself that's how it's always been. This year has been a completely different story. With the cost of everything going up, up and away, I've had to tighten the purse strings for extra things like shopping :( Let's face it everything has gone up, condo fees, property taxes, regular taxes, gas, food - everything! Wages don't necessarily go up to reflect the current increase in everything which is really crappy. 

I'm the opposite of the expression "Good on Paper". I look great when you see me in person. I make an excellent first, second, third impression to infinity - always, that is until I have to go into a bank for a simple thing like an increase to my overdraft. You walk in all confident and they make you sit and wait in this little office, while they print out a long list of all your transactions and then ask you questions that they very well know the answers to, simply to make you feel bad when you're caught in a lie. Banker, "What is your current salary?"  Me, "I make er $75K a year".  Banker, "It says here that you made a monthly deposit of $700 last month". Then they show you the long list and you look at the "Banking Specialist" with a confused look and say, "That's not me, there must be some mistake". "Did I tell you that I'm the opposite of good on paper?"

So here's the crux of the situation. When you take two years off from the work place (because the company you worked for was suddenly sold), you tell yourself that the universe is telling you that now is the time to finally finish that damn degree, as that will help in securing an even better job. So you go full throttle with the task of completing a Liberal Arts degree you started in 2001 (part time), and are over the moon when you finally graduate in the spring of 2011. But wait, as it turns out this actually guarantees nothing in the market place apart from personal satisfaction. Apparently employers don't give a crap about whether you have transferable skills and an Arts degree to back it up with. So forget about finding your "dream job", it basically comes down to anything and everything that pays, because the bills don't take a hike just because you don't have the funds. So then when your uncle asks you why you didn't become a lawyer, you say, "Let's see, because it took 10 years to get my undergraduate degree on a part time basis, while I worked full time and paid for it on my own". In your head, you give yourself a window of "I'll make it big at 25", when that doesn't happen, you tell yourself 30, when that doesn't happen, then it's 35, well you get the gist. So now you convince yourself that a steady job with health benefits and a small monthly allowance for clothes, or entertainment or groceries will suffice.

People with money often say to people without money, "All you ever think about is money". A cold and detached statement made by rich people who are completely unaware of the struggles that ordinary mortals have to endure on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. It's true that most of us do live pay cheque to pay cheque to make ends meet. It's precisely for this reason that our credit cards & lines of credit have become our closest friend. During this blissful time, when everything is a haze, credit cards seem to understand us and are there for us. It's as if a spell has been cast to muddle the reality of what's actually happening, but we don't question it and blindly pay the crazy interest until we can't. When we need to feel better about ourselves, we buy a lipstick, a dress, a pair of shoes.  My Russian friend Karina always says, "I hate living alone". (it's only been a year). "After I'm done paying my mortgage and all my bills, I barely have anything left to eat". After a 5 minute pause, "Did you see my new Prada shoes?" Me, "I thought you just said...?". Karina, "I had to have them, it's an investment for $1,000, I got them on my credit line".

Sometimes, credit cards serve as a pseudo income during a time of need, loss of a job, a car emergency, a home emergency, or to compensate for the shortfall of bills for the month. Or sometimes, it's just simply to feel better about ourselves and to cheer ourselves up temporarily. For me, shopping is the ultimate high, I'm euphoric when I've had some good shopping & great deals, and then I crash... I never understood that when you don't need a credit card or an increase to the card, that's when it's automatically offered by the credit card companies and banks. And, when you desperately need an increase to get you through a crisis, the door is completely shut. How is this fair, that is the question? Money doesn't grow on trees, but money does make the world go round. 

Moody Girl Out.





Saturday, 19 November 2011

The Girl With The Red Face

I'm a firm believer in good skin care, always have and always will be. I studied make-up artistry and esthetics eons ago, long before university, because I wanted to know as much about make up and skin care (mostly for myself) and for my sister Thalia, who has also benefited from my knowledge. Over the years I've kept up with updated information, new make-up, techniques, what's in vogue, and of course new skin care innovations, creams etc. I don't make it a habit of offering unsolicited advice as I don't want to appear as a big head, but when someone asks me something, I'm always happy to share my "secrets" (well not everything, but enough).

For the last two years my Russian friend Karina has been hounding me every chance we get together or talk on the phone for skin advice. "I look old, my pores are too large, what should I do?" "Why do you have such smooth skin, do you use Botox?" "Why do you look so much younger than me?" Anyway, you get the drift, for the record, I don't use Botox (not that there's anything wrong with that if that's your preference). Karina is younger than me, but looks older due to excessive sun exposure, like tanning on the beach for hours without sunscreen (bad), drinking too much Vodka (it's a Russian thing) and not eating enough fruits and vegetables (good diet is everything). It doesn't help that she doesn't drink enough water. Being the good friend that I am, in an effort to help I always email her articles on new products, the latest study on antioxidants (the best fruits and vegetables), the benefits of water. I told her that Botox, chemical & laser treatments should be kept as a possible last resort and that she was too young for that. In an effort to dissuade her from more radical skin treatments (trust me she doesn't need it), I even compiled a comprehensive list of best skin care products (based on my personal R&D), and healthy foods for Karina to include in her diet.

So last Saturday I attended my friend Mariya's dinner party to celebrate her belated birthday. It was an intimate event, some of her close friends (including me), Karina (her other close friend) and Mariya's young kids (didn't expect that). Imagine my surprise when I walked in and saw Karina looking absolutely horrific, no exaggeration. She looked like she was part of the dinner menu itself and had been placed in boiling hot water for an extended amount of time, taken out of the water, cooled down & dunked back in the boiling water, eventually taken out and then prodded for several hours. I couldn't help but wonder if lobster was on the menu. But you catch my drift. It turns out that the idiot decided to get a chemical peel and laser treatments a week before her 31st birthday (as she thinks she's over the hill). Well someone ought to roll her down the hill as it was hard to look at her, while simultaneously wanting to stare at her face at the same time. I was thinking to myself over dinner, "What the f---k did you do you to your face, you moron?" While trying to have pleasant conversation with Mariya and her friends and trying to pretend Karina wasn't there. Karina, oblivious to the overall reaction to her face, innocently asked, "Do you like my hair, I lightened it?" I looked around the dinner table to see if it was just me and it was confirmed by the other shocked faces that Karina was either clueless or in complete denial.

When Karina decided to suddenly bail after dinner due to a sudden suspicious headache, after receiving a mysterious text. Mariya pulled her aside and said, "What the hell have you done to your face? You look awful!" I wasn't going to say anything at the dinner party, but Mariya asking was perfect. Karina became extremely defensive. She looked my way and snarkily replied, "Creams don't work". I simply shook my head and replied, "No more skin care advice for you". What I should have said is, "Have you actually looked in the mirror?" My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Mariya's six year old daughter tugging at her mother's dress and sweetly asking, "Mommy what happened to Aunty Karina's face?" Karina quickly gathered her stuff, waived goodbye and left.

I called Karina to wish her a Happy Birthday today and to also inquire about the dinner plans for tonight, and she made an excuse about not wanting to celebrate today, preferring to stay indoors (solo). Hallelujah! Yes please stay indoors, because truthfully, I don't want to be seen in public with her until her face looks normal again. Don't feel bad for Karina, I know her, she has an intimate dinner planned with her on again/off again lust interest, and that's the real reason she cancelled. I just hope she wears a veil!. At the end of our phone conversation Karina said, "My next chemical peel is in another few weeks and I know my skin will look amazing". While she was blathering on, I was wondering if I should give her a mask for her birthday present. My response to Karina, "No comment". Enough said!

Moody Girl Out.

Monday, 31 October 2011

Masquerade Charade

Is it me or has Halloween become a huge deal? There's no escaping it wherever you go. Halloween parties in the city took place from last Thursday right through the weekend. Earlier today there were celebrations taking place at all the restaurants, bars and even offices - during the day, during business hours! This evening all the cute little ones & (some big scary ones) will be embarking on a door to door journey in search of candy. Kids can dress up in their favourite super hero, monster or fairy costume in search of candy from strangers. They're not quite aware of their identity yet and can instantly become transformed (so they think) into their favourite character. At a masquerade party, you can become anyone you choose to, such as a famous character and have fun for a few hours pretending to be someone else. Sometime we need costumes to disguise who we truly are on the inside and other times we can can disguise ourselves with a good outfit and the right attitude!

I wore my own version of a costume earlier today, not so much for Halloween but rather an important job interview. After all it doesn't have to be Halloween to wear a mask, a metaphorical mask that is. I took out my best professional yet fashionable ensemble, shoes and accessories. I had a fantastic hair day, girls know that a good hair day is equated with a good day (most of the time). My make-up was flawless, subtle but polished. I looked the part of a sassy, sophisticated Assistant to the Publisher (that's a mouthful, but it sounds important). I was amazed at how a simple transformation on the outside could have such a positive effect on the inside. I look the part, therefore I am the part. Tres dramatique?

We wear different masks everyday to convey to the world a particular character. To a potential employer, a face of enthusiasm and confidence is equated with competence and potential new employee material, regardless of how you may be feeling on the inside. It had been a while since my last interview, so I have to admit I was feeling a bit defeated and rejected. Just getting an interview with this company today boosted my confidence immediately. I mean, they wanted to see me :) Now reality has already set in and I've changed into my regular uniform, the one that allows me to eat chips and salsa right after I had fish and chips kind of uniform. Just as I changed, so did my thoughts, the doubt started to creep in. What if they hated me? What if I failed their test (yes there was a test, can you believe it?) How am I going to get there for 9 am if I'm hired? (Too many late nights). Now I realize that things can go either way and I can be employed full time next week on my way to a new career path, and then shortly after start complaining about my idiot boss, the work load, the traffic, blah, blah, blah or be in exactly the same situation...Ground Hog Day. Regardless of the outcome, I know the mask I conveyed today was one of strength (at the time). Perhaps I need to wear this mask more often...hmmm? In the meantime, my dear ghouls, goblins and everything in between, I bid you adieu!

Moody Girl Out.

Thursday, 20 October 2011

Dark Days, Sour Face

It seems like I'm always complaining about the weather, but really the weather has sucked lately. I'm sensitive to many things, extreme weather of course is never a good thing. I seem to be touchy to everything these days, such as, gloomy, cold days, (adds to the moodiness), bright sunny days, if it's too hot (I get tanned sitting by the window). Heavy rain (not good for my hair), humidity (even worse for my hair). Crazy windy weather (even worse than humidity for my hair). Well you get my drift. October hasn't been it's usual pleasant Indian summer weather, apart from a few random days of perfect weather it's generally been dark, rainy, cold, extremely depressing weather.  The howling winds outside my window seem to be echoing my inner screams.

The days are fading into each other and I have no concept of time and space, er, until I look at a calendar or a clock of course. Numbness consumes me, apart from the ringing sound in my head that seems to go off in the middle of the night and jolts me back to reality, plus there's the lunatic who lives above me that drives me crazy with his stomping around at 4 am. It's almost November and I still haven't found a new full time job :( Panic mode is in full effect upon the realization that time's up and there are no more life lines. My White Knight (from the previous blog) turned into Flight Knight! After weeks of chasing M to follow up with his contact at C_____C, my emails were evaded until last Saturday, when I received a polite email saying that his contact informed him that the position had been filled with someone internally, and for me to keep trying.  What the hell? I didn't even get to wear my best interview outfit as there was no interview. What kind of contact is that! Thanks a lot for your help Flight Knight! I know he tried his best, after all he is sleep deprived, working long hours, has a demanding wife and a brand new baby, but what about me? :0

I mean Halloween is around the corner, and after that the focus is on the holiday season. It's been a never ending parade of birthday celebrations this month, and will continue in November. It's not a good feeling when I can't even muster up enough energy (mental or physical) to socialize with my friends. I feel bad, because I don't want to be that person who bows out with a flimsy excuse like on Thalia's birthday dinner. (I won't mention any names, you know who you are - Shabana). Okay the real truth is that driving has become ridiculous in this city, you can't get anywhere in less than 1.5 hour and that's one way on a good day. So you throw in the bizarre weather patterns and accident prone drivers, and then you're forced to add on even more time to the commute, which is maddening! So you take 4+ hours out of your day (coming and going) for a couple of hours of dinner - please! Oh, let's not forget  where to eat, where to park, what to wear, who's gonna pay? What? Where? Wear? "Lions and tigers and bears oh my". Evidently, I'm The Scarecrow, Tin Man, The Lion and Dorothy all wrapped up in one.

No surprise, I'm feeling insular these days and rarely venture out unless I absolutely have to (groceries). I'm wearing the same thing over and over again because it's "comfortable" and provides a good disguise while I drown my sorrows in an overload of carbs and simultaneously avoid the scale. I still haven't brought out my fall/winter wardrobe out yet. I'm still stuck in summer mode mentally. I can't believe that it's the middle of October already! My life seems suspended in time (and funds), which is sort of ironic as time is flying by too quickly and the bills keep on coming. As one of my mum's favourite proverbs goes, "Time and tide waits for no one". Ain't that the damn truth!

Sour Face Moody Girl Out.

Friday, 30 September 2011

White Knight, Ray of Light

Tomorrow is Nuit Blanche in Toronto - an annual all night festival of art and multi-media. Traditionally huge crowds of people swarm the city and prowl the streets, some for the art and others just for the sake of being outdoors for no reason other than to be hooligans. Regardless, it is a celebrated event that everyone looks forward to, as it's a magical night in Toronto.

Being the last day of September, White Night or Nuit Blanche got me thinking of a different kind of White Knight, not the kind that fairy tales are made, but perhaps the most unexpected person that can possibly save the day. This friend is known as M, and is my sister Thalia's best friend, and is a wonderful, sweet soul. Since M has some contacts in the film and television world, he graciously forwarded my resume to one of his contacts at a premier television/production company in the city. He emailed me today with the reply his contact sent back, and there may be a possible opening for moi! Yippee! Dare I say, I almost feel hopeful. All I need is a break, where my resumes don't get lost in a flurry of email submissions and never get read, or worse the corporate websites where I apply and never hear anything back after spending upwards of an hour filling out their extensive questionnaire, uploading my resume and writing an essay.

Okay, I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but can't help but wonder if the universe was waiting for the right time, as everything in life is about timing (and contacts). Oh please, please M's contact at ___________ call me! All I need is an interview, I know I can win them over. My horoscope has been implying that an auspicious occasion is near and that I need to be patient.

This week, Thalia and I visited M and his wife at their home, as they have a brand new baby girl. When I met the cute baby girl, all my cynicism floated away. When I held her, she felt like a ball of love in my arms. It's been a while since I held a cute baby, and I like this one a lot. She represents hope and I couldn't help but feel that perhaps my metamorphosis is also taking place, slowly but surely. Then something unexpected happened after my visit, I actually allowed my thoughts to drift into baby territory. Thinking to myself about how great it would be to have a baby girl. What? Then I went grocery shopping tonight and was terrorized by screaming, screeching, ill mannered children everywhere. I was so annoyed by them! I couldn't wait to get back to my quiet condo. I digress, okay the baby moment is over, but M's baby was more of a symbolic awakening for me, possibilities, birth, renewal, new beginnings etc. (you get my drift).

Well it's Friday and another weekend is upon us along with the start of October tomorrow, and today my usual disappointment at the end of the week is replaced with a glimmer of hope. Perhaps the start of something new awaits me next month. It's been a rough couple of months and I could sure use some positive news right about now. I'm ready to celebrate what's about to come knocking at the door. Maybe? Hopefully!

In the meantime, I look forward to celebrating my sister Thalia's birthday tomorrow, with my ever constant White Knight(ess), when the sky is black and is illuminated by lights during Nuit Blanche . 

Moody Girl Out.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Nosferatool

I was going to begin with a quip about how it's officially fall and the rainy, dull weather is fitting. But oh wait, some bozo decided to move the first day of fall to September 23rd instead? Like it's going to matter that it's technically still summer. Let's face it people, fall is here whether the calendar says it or not. You can feel the change in weather. The days are shorter, the sun makes a brief appearance and disappears and then the clouds part for the rain.

This kind of weather evokes something darker and melancholy in me, the little pep I had in the summer has long gone and the moodiness is in full force to compliment the dark days of fall. In my world, I'm more acutely aware of the Nosferatool(s) around me. These are the emotional vampires/dolts that pop up to drain me of what little energy I have left. I seem to be surrounded by them at every turn lately.

Just when I begin to channel a glimmer of hope and positivity to bring me out of my funk. A Nosferatool will appear or call me on my phone at the most inopportune time to blather on about their insignificant problems that I've heard a million times before. Now a Nosferatool is not looking for a solution to their most recent or past problem, they just want to vent, pause and repeat it all over again the next day. So in my moody haze I can take one of two approaches. 1) Listen and detach emotionally while giving a "uh huh" every few minutes while (in my head, plan something good to eat for dinner tomorrow night, usually a carb high). 2) Engage, and attempt to problem solve, only to get pulled into a heated conversation, until my blood pressure rises and my head explodes. Suffice to say Option 2 is not the optimal way of approaching things, in this case Option 1 serves my cause better when I'm already feeling physically and mentally depleted. A Nosferatool is merely looking to feed on emotional energy, they're not concerned about the after effects they have on you. It's all about them.

The clueless Nosferatool  may not necessarily express their understanding of your current situation that has left you feeling so defeated, or maybe after a long day when you want to hear some uplifting words, instead you hear, "Snap out of it, it could be a whole lot worse". Wow, thanks, I feel so much better now, and you think to yourself, why did I let you trick me into thinking that you might say something intelligent for once! This was just one big waste of time. Or if your job search is not going well a clueless Nosferatool may suggest that you try becoming a driving instructor or a postman and doesn't necessarily understand that you've spent a great part of your life completing a degree, that will hopefully jump start a possible second career of your dreams. A Nosferatool can often be out of synch with who you are and say hurtful things inadvertently in an effort to help you.

The self absorbed Nosferatool is the worst kind there is. This joker will pretend that they care about you and lull you into a false, hopeful state by pretending that spending a fun night together is just what you need. In actuality the self absorbed Nosferatool arrives in a bad mood because of something stupid like heavy traffic and then proceeds to vent irrationally about some nobody who cut them off an hour ago on the highway. Then, a fun night like going to the movies, becomes a dreaded horror of your own. An ironic contrast between seeing a funny light flick like say, Crazy Stupid Love, while the self absorbed Nosferatool is still reeling from the fact that you accidentally knocked over their popcorn, while trying to find the chocolate box you dropped. Yeah, a real fun night, we should do this again sometime!

Nosferatool(s) are are not ill intentioned people and there is no malice on their part. It is up to us to spot the signs of a Nosferatool, especially when low on energy reserves. It doesn't mean we don't love them or care for them, but we have to look out for ourselves too. It is up to us to protect ourselves and create a barrier between us and them. During these times seek out the Uplifter(s) - the warm, kind souls that understand you, and provide a source of light that makes you feel that anything and everything is possible no matter what. An Uplifter just may be the right antidote to a Nosferatool.

Moody Girl Out.

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Army of Forgotten Shoes

Summer is almost over, where did the summer go? I know it's not officially the end of summer, but you know what I mean - tomorrow is September - what? So I was perusing through my September issue of Vogue - love it! The fall fashions as always are breathtaking and depressing. Why depressing? Because I have no budget for fall fashions this year :( I mean not yet, I always find a way one way or another. Any way it just seems like I finally put my fall/winter clothes/shoes away a few months ago.

When I opened my closet I realized that I had an astounding number of boxes with hidden shoes, I say hidden because if it's not right in front of you when you open your closet, then you tend to forget what you have, the same applies to clothes. I've always found that taking out a pair of shoes that have been "forgotten" is a great way to cheer myself up and re-energize my current wardrobe. So I went through all my closets (I have three, but it's not enough) and pulled out the boxes and went on a trip down memory lane. This is an account of a select group of designer shoes and memories:

Ah, there they were, my sexy, black leather patent shoes with a killer heel also known in my home as The Tango Shoes. I put those on and I was immediately transported to the night when Little Dragon performed at Wrongbar and I wore those shoes. I looked taller, slimmer and my butt looked awesome. That was a good night, and a great night for my hair, along with my sleek, black ensemble and red lips. Oh by the way, Grant Bedford was there, along with Thalia and The Complicator! After a few hours, the killer heels did a number on my feet and trying to walk out of the club like a normal person was excruciatingly painful.

The next box revealed my strappy, flirty Cinderella Shoes - guaranteed to make you feel like a princess, regardless of the outfit, fancy or not. I had worn these bejeweled shoes to my cousin's wedding a few years back and my shoes garnered just as much attention as my oh, so gorgeous dress. I was the belle of the ball, yes I know you're not supposed to upstage the bride on her wedding day, blah, blah, blah - but I looked great that night! This relationship started out lovey dovey and turned bitter by the end of the night, like they do with all my favourite shoes.

Then I came across another pair of designer shoes, the most expensive shoes I had in my closet. My S&M Inspired Shoes, black patent leather with a peekaboo cutout and triangular heel. The shoe salesperson had guaranteed that these shoes would be comfortable to walk in, and I wouldn't be able to live without them. It turned out that these shoes turned on me, they are my enemy, I do not have a love affair with them as looks can be deceiving. These shoes were the most painful shoes I've ever had and challenges the notion that super expensive means great quality shoes.  I hate these shoes, they caused me so much pain, and continue to cause me pain when I look at them, when I'm reminded of how much they cost - boo hoo!

The next box revealed my Romantic Shoes, a sublime pair of two-toned rose and chocolate coloured pointy slingbacks. These shoes are a prized possession and when I put them on, I was taken back to the Marcus Miller Show at The Opera House, a couple of years back. That was a fun, summer night and I looked svelte in my plum and black ensemble with tousled hair and berry lips. There were a whole bunch of us that night, so I had to look good. Let's see, me of course, my sister Thalia, The Complicator, Grant Bedord (bonus), my friend Jenny, Thalia's friend The Professor, and The Complicator's "straight" male friend Miss Tobinsky (I'll explain in a later blog). Ah, it was a magical night indeed.

Last but not least, my Golden Goddess Shoes, one of my favourite pairs of dainty, gold strappy sandals. (Thalia has a pair too, we both couldn't resist). My fondest memory is seeing Marcus Miller (the first time) at the Toronto Jazz Festival.  I was wearing a form fitting, summery, light green dress with these shoes. I felt beautiful that evening and Grant Bedford's face lit up when he saw me. The Complicator gave me the look he always does, as if I'm too dressed up - whatever! Thalia looked drop dead gorgeous. She wore a black, Spanish inspired romantic, dress with a teal, silk ruffle scarf wrapped around her neck, and was wearing her black patent Talk to Me if You Dare slingbacks. Grant Bedford's mysterious friend appeared to be hypnotized by Thalia's presence. How can I say this, we looked marvelous! Thalia and I looked and felt  a-m-a-z-i-n-g. We made quite the entrance and left quite the impression, I'm sure of it!

Basically, a favourite or forgotten pair of shoes can change the way you look and feel in an instant. The right pair of shoes can infuse new life into an old outfit. Shoes can evoke a memory that is locked in a special or not so special place in your heart. Within each pair of forgotten shoes lies a secret sole. On the other hand, love hurts, you can look good on the outside and be dying of pain on the inside. But all in all it is a love affair that I will never give up!

Moody Girl Out.




Thursday, 18 August 2011

New York I Love You

Well it's only been a couple of weeks since my whirlwind trip to NYC and I've been in a bit of a funk since I got back. It doesn't help that Mercury is in retrograde and there was a wicked full moon last week. I was close to turning from Moody Girl to a full on beast.

Anyway New York City was a-m-a-z-i-n-g! It makes Toronto look like a sleepy little town in comparison. There was so much excitement, lots of hustle and bustle, masses of people everywhere and a lot of tall, skinny bitches. Of course, there were museums, galleries, the best retail stores, restaurants and tall skinny bitches. I think I developed a bit of a complex after visiting. Suffice to say I'm not tall or er skinny, but in my head I sometimes think of myself as both (if that makes any sense). Well that particular delusional view didn't quite translate in NYC as I would every so often get a quick glance of my reflection. Yikes! Obviously there was something wrong with the glass and mirrors in New York as I seemed to appear a lot shorter and wider. Now I happen to be petite (don't like short) and curvy but fit (okay I'm working on the fit part) but because I'm small boned, I tend to give myself a pass more often than I should. Anyway, since I've been back, I've done a couple of workouts, I hope I can continue this rigorous routine.

The Complicator drove us everywhere and kept snapping at me the whole time as apparently I was unable to read the minuscule print on the map, walking too slow blah blah blah. Oh well, the price you pay for going on a trip with him. Of course he did enjoy my company, that's how he expresses his affection, by bossing me around! We were up at 7 am and didn't return to the hotel till well after midnight every day/night. The Complicator kept saying, "There is so much to do and to see". Yeah whatever, "You're killing me you stupid maniac", is what I was thinking. We barely spent any time at the lovely hotel we stayed at and missed cocktail hour there daily, due to his fanatical schedule.

Okay it was really hot and there was a lot of walking. I wanted to look cool so I took my best outfits and shoes but they didn't serve me well in the heat. Wrong fabrics clinging in the humidity not so sexy when outlining the wrong curves. I ended up looking totally disheveled, hair pulled back in a high ponytail and not as sophisticated as I had envisioned. I had to eventually resort to my uncool but very comfortable sandals and looked even shorter at that point. The Complicator didn't have to do anything special, he was totally casual in T-shirt and shorts and was still getting looks from tall skinny bitches. The Complicator commented that the women were in sick shape, I snarkily replied, "I didn't notice".

Okay so my highlight wasn't sitting next to Mickey Rourke, having breakfast at a charming Belgian restaurant, but rather when The Complicator and I ran into Grant Bedford. Who is he you ask? Well he's one of the most eligible bachelors who resides in Toronto but as of the past year has been living in NYC. He also happens to be The Complicator's friend (and mine). Okay so it wasn't a completely fortuitous meeting. I happened to email him the night before we were leaving, casually mentioning that we would be in NY and wondering if he was available so that we could get together for a drink and catch up. Much to my sheer delight he responded favourably. I tried to play it cool in front of The Complicator but inside I was jumping for joy. Okay so Grant Bedford is kind of like every character Hugh Grant has played, and there is something so charismatic about him that just makes me so happy anytime I'm around him. Ditto for The Complicator, he becomes a different person, much more likeable and fun (he is a Gemini after all). He's hardly that way with me these days. Anyway, I digress, Grant Bedford called The Complicator and suggested we meet in Williamsburg and go for dinner Saturday night. Yippee, I couldn't wait for Saturday night to come, Saturday was our SoHo day and we went to every gallery and store in the area until I was completely worn out by 6 pm. After the heat, the walking, the snippiness, I wasn't feeling as giddy by the end of the day. Then Grant Bedford changed the time from 7 pm, to 9 pm to 10 pm - I thought I was going to lose my friggin mind - come on already, I can't wait anymore.

Luckily there was a small window where I forced The Complicator to drive back to the hotel so I could freshen up, thank goodness for that. I was able to pull myself together and was finally pleased with the end results. I slipped back into my strappy heels even though my feet were killing me and wore my colourful va va voom dress. 10 pm finally came around and we met up in Williamsburg (oh yeah The Complicator was there too). There he was, just as youthful as ever with those dreamy brown eyes and boyish grin. However, Grant Bedford neglected to make reservations on a Saturday night, so we went to a few places before we could actually get seated. By the time dinner came around it was after midnight, but who cares about hunger pangs when you're with Grant Bedford. I felt like I was lit from within and grinning like a fool all night, so much so that The Complicator gave me a quizzical look a few times. I was laughing and so happy listening to Grant Bedford's narcissistic stories. Oh, he also mentioned that his current squeeze Tadpole (okay that's not her name) was moving in with him - yeah whatever, I totally blocked that out. Did I mention that I felt so confident and was getting a few looks at the restaurant and the waiter was totally flirting with me. It was a great confidence booster and just what I needed in the land of the beautiful people. Anyway, historically speaking, Grant Bedford has seen me with many different looks over the past decade and one thing has always been consistent, he always looks at me adoringly, like the first time we met. Seeing myself in his eyes was just what I needed to feel sexy again, and I did feel sexy. Half the time I forgot that The Complicator was even there. It was a magical evening indeed, the food tasted better, the wine tasted better, the ambiance was cozy, the music was perfect. A magnificent and memorable evening.

When Grant Bedford dropped us back at The Complicator's car, he gave me a kiss on both cheeks and just as I was exiting his car, he said, "I'll be back in Toronto in September, we should get together" the whole time eyes locked on me. You don't have to tell me twice, I've been counting the days since I got back!

Moody Girl Out.





Thursday, 28 July 2011

When the Tough Gets Going, Hide Under a Rock

My summer has not gone the way I had initially planned. Wow, it has been a summer of humidity, bad hair and non stop obstacles that I've found myself up against. Well like so many people, I find myself in uber debt mode. Not having a full time job eventually gets to you faster than you realize. This stark realization for an avid shopper is the worst thing that can happen, with fall fashions right around the corner. Okay unlike most "debters" I am fully aware how much I owe on my credit cards and lines of credit. All I need now, is a damn job, but not just any job!

Okay, so the job hunt for my "dream job" continues, but I'm running out of time. Suddenly I find myself up against all the other new graduates who will work for a whole lot less. I'm trying to maintain my optimism but am slowly becoming disheartened as we approach August. I know that it's a matter of time before I land a job that I can be excited about, and tell myself it's all about timing.

My family whom I love dearly, drive me crazy on a day to day basis and at times make it impossible for me to focus on what I need to do for myself. Don't get me wrong, my mum is the best, so supportive and loving but… My sister Thalia is the family exception, and has been lovely and so supportive and encouraging. I am so lucky to have her as my sister and my best friend (Cue music).

There have been lots of ups and downs this summer. Thankfully the downs have been balanced with some ups, such as getting together with good friends, enjoying the patio weather and drowning my sorrows in Peach  Bellinis (my new favourite drink). I've seen my other best friend Lily, as much as possible this summer. She is the one person besides Thalia that I can confide in whole heartedly about anything and everything and is so supportive.

With the anniversary of my relationship with The Complicator approaching, I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that our relationship has been going from neutral to reverse, and this has intensified over the last year. So imagine my surprise when the invitation came from him, to go to NYC for the long weekend (Monday is a holiday here). I am very excited that we are staying in a charming, boutique hotel near Fifth Avenue, right in the heart of the city. I am so tired of talking, analyzing, philosophizing & wondering about the future. So instead I’m running away to enjoy galleries, museums, restaurants, (maybe shopping) and the sights and sounds of the most energetic city in the world! Perhaps a New York state of mind is just what I need!

Moody Girl Out.



Sunday, 10 July 2011

Vodka Schmodka!

So when you send an email out with the subject heading "Girls' Night Out", it seems pretty self explanatory right? Apparently no-one reads the subject heading anymore. Okay, so my friend Karina asked me to put something together for a fun night out over the weekend to celebrate summer. So I figured because Karina is Russian, perhaps a night out at The Rasputin Vodka Bar would be a nice ode to her heritage. So it began with what was supposed to be the four of us, myself, Karina, Mariya & Anya. I had stated in my email that I needed to confirm the reservations for a seated area, but as the week progressed the numbers kept changing. Somehow my well constructed email was forwarded to random people who were adding their two cents and forwarding my email to all their contacts. The whole thing got out of control. People I didn't know were emailing me, saying they were coming and bringing their friends (no numbers specified). Then Karina's sister Lana, sent me an email saying she was coming with her new husband and his friend (a guy). Yeah okay, apparently the "Girls' Night Out" meant bring anyone and everyone regardless of what the subject heading implied! Anyway, I sent out a final email stating that I had made reservations for ten for a seated area and that the venue couldn't accommodate more people in a seated area. Extra guests are welcome, but a seated area is not guaranteed.

Well since it was no longer just the four of us, I decided to add to my invite list, starting with my sister Thalia, my friend Lily and a very last minute invite to my friend Shabana, who apparently was super excited about the Vodka selection, even though she's mostly a soda drinker. Lana, Karina's sister evidently took offence in me politely replying to her email, saying it was a girls's night and her husband and friend were welcome to join us later in the night. Well that didn't bode well with her and Lana sent out a group email to everyone saying, "No-one told her it was a girls' night out and they had made other plans". Emails continued to fly left and right with everyone copying the entire list to everyone. I couldn't help but feel like they were all thinking that I was anti-men all of a sudden. Are you kidding me?  No-one told you it was a girl's night out, can you read?

Suffice to say a fun night with the girls took on a life of its own. By this point, I couldn't care less if pets and aliens were coming to the Vodka Bar. Before the night commenced, Thalia cancelled due to a crisis at work, Lily just flat out changed her mind and the anonymous email group didn't show up, apart from Mariya's two friends who stopped by later (a guy and a girl).

At the Vodka Bar, none of us ended up doing Vodka shots and decided to drink everything but, Bellinis, Wine, Caesars and Tequila shots. The DJ was a hack of a DJ, not very impressive at all. I was told he would be playing house tunes and was excited. Instead he played forgotten 80s and 90s tunes and decided to take a break after playing two songs and would walk around and talk to people on the dance floor. This was the only DJ I had ever encountered that would let a track come to a complete halt, pause for a few minutes and then play the next track. Is this a joke baldie? Somebody fire his ass already!

Mariya, Anya and I, did some dancing in front of the giant fans on the dance floor. For a little while we were all having fun, with our faux photo shoot, and music video hair, entertaining ourselves by taking pictures of one another with three rotating cameras. Shabana looked like she was in another world and didn't move from her chair the entire time, but came in extremely handy in watching our purses. Mariya's guests looked like they had wandered in from an afternoon barbecue and were dazzled by the venue as if we were in a Las Vegas night club. Karina's mood fluctuated the entire night between euphoric and depressed and was looking for an introspective conversation. I said to her, "Honey, this isn't the right place for a deep conversation, call me tomorrow".

Just when there was a moment of harmony, with one good song playing, a mild buzz from my Tequila shot and happy faces on the dance floor, Karina picked a fight with the waitress. Her bossy streak came out, where every so often she feels the need to remind wait staff that they are there to wait on her. Way to go Karina! I decided it was best to leave, once I had apologized to the waitress. Time to go everyone, pack it up, Russian night is O.V.E.R.


Moody Girl Out.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Netflix Versus Fun Chics

I'm feeling extremely low key this week, with the full moon and a severe bout of PMS I just want to be left alone to brood for a couple of days. Over the weekend, I decided to finally sign up for Netflix to see what the hype is about. Last month I downgraded my cable to basic and I have no regrets, as there still isn't anything to watch on TV other than Y&R and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Okay so about Netflix, one word, "wow"! It's fantastic, I love it.

In my university class last fall, Readings in Film & Television, I participated in countless discussions with all the fresh faced, tech savvy kids in my class about how the art of cinema is about appreciating films on the big screen in a proper movie theatre, and that the experience of watching a movie on a small computer screen in your bedroom is not the same thing. Well guess what, I was totally immersed in my movie watching on my laptop in my bedroom, all comfy and cozy. When my computer is working normally and doesn't feel like dial up Internet, with a click of a button I can be instantly transported into another world.

Since my studies in Film are now complete, I didn't realize how much I missed watching good films. With Netflix, I was engrossed all weekend with my favourite genre, "Foreign Films", even though the films I watched weren't exactly the best films script wise, (I could have written a better script in my sleep), I appreciated the art and creativity of making a low budget film, the subtle nuances of emotions conveyed on the screen with a mere look and the exotic music. Do I watch the characters or read the subtitles? So challenging but so enjoyable. I loved the solitude of watching a film sprawled out on my bed, even though I have a big screen TV in the living room. It was just me, my laptop and Netflix.

Anyway, my Russian friend Karina & a whole bunch of her Eastern European gal pals want to do a girls' night out this upcoming Saturday at a trendy lounge/club. When it was mentioned a few weeks ago, I was all for it but this week - the way I'm feeling, I'm not so sure. Part of me just wants to stay home in my lounge wear and watch Netflix on the weekend, while the other part of me is like, "What the hell is wrong with you?" I mean when did this become okay to stay home on a Saturday night? I am slowly morphing into one of those people who loves their leisure time so much, weekend or no weekend. In all honestly I've done the clubbing thing since I was 19 and now that I'm slightly older, only special live shows like Tortured Soul or Bajofondo can lure me out of seclusion for a night of dancing.

Karina leaves for Israel next week for 3 weeks and in all fairness her friends are a lot of fun. In fact, they think that I'm the cool one with the 411 on all the local haunts. This crowd is tough to please, it's a combination of single women, young divorcees and me. The ladies love to toast anything & everything, "Drink more wodka". No matter how many Vodka's you've had, it never seem adequate around them!  I remember a time, when I would live for the weekends, choose the designated club, select my favourite outfit in advance, confirm with my group (and by that I mean my sister Thalia and our friend Shabana) who it turns out hated clubs for years, but continued to go out with us from Thursday to Sunday, every week - for years, just so we could hang out! Plus back then, I could stomach multiple Tequila shots and Chocolate Martinis. Karina loves clubbing, she's 30 and wants to party every weekend, I just don't have the stamina or the inclination to get dolled up for her particular club selection, she likes Top 40 music, yeah, not my thing at all. If I'm going dancing it better be hardcore house tunes pulsating through every fiber of my being, in a dance frenzy with like minded dancers on the floor who are there solely for the music!

If the weather is hot and feels like summer (like it did last week) then perhaps I'll venture out for a fun Saturday night and drag my friend Lily out who is not a club person but is willing to try something new, in which case I would opt for a cool lounge where we don't have to scream during conversation. However, if it continues to be fall like weather and rains then it's a no brainer - hello Netflix!

Moody Girl Out.

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Birthday Kisses, June Wishes

Today is The Complicator's Birthday and big celebrations took place over the weekend by all who love him. It is a milestone birthday and even though it isn't my birthday, I wonder if I am the one who is feeling reflective. The Complicator has spent the weeks leading up to his birthday by keeping himself busier than usual with work, sports and recreational activities. This is the tenth birthday we've celebrated together, I remember the first one we shared together and the most recent one and everything in between is a blur. What I do know is that time is going by very quickly, birthday or no birthday The Complicator continues to move through life at his own warped pace, regardless of my place in his world.

So it's now June and I'm  looking for a new full time position. I've been searching since April in between many distractions that keep surfacing much to my chagrin. I am applying to positions that I hope may inspire me to want to get up and go to work everyday (plus I'm completely broke). I've exhausted all my financial options and now am running out of time. The Complicator refuses to assist me financially in the meantime (and by that I mean a mere loan of $1,000 or so) and suggests that I take any job that I can find, regardless of the industry. I finished my degree this past spring in Film, on a part time basis while working the whole time, this was also a ten year journey which runs parallel to my relationship. After submitting resume after resume to the entertainment/media sector, I am starting to realize that I picked a very difficult field to break into. Okay, so I'm not 23 years old, I'm slightly older and  have lots of work experience in other areas. I was hoping to transition smoothly into the job of my dreams. My biggest fear is ending up in any boring administrative job as an office drone. Been there, done that, in the distant past when I was completely focused on my then music career to get me through the drudgery of Monday to Friday. (Suffice to say, I didn't become the next singing sensation). This time it's very different. I'm older (but not that old), wiser, smarter and drowning in a growing sea of debt, even though I'm in denial most days.

When I first met The Complicator he was working for his dad's company and received a weekly pay cheque, I was just beginning my studies. Over the last decade he has built a successful business and is financially independent. Sadly, I don't benefit in any way other than dinners, movies and live music shows that we see together. He has his place and I have my own mortgage. It's times like these (his birthday, my birthday & basically every other day) that I wonder what my life would be like if I had the support system to boldly chase my dreams (whatever they are). In the meantime, I wish The Complicator, Many Happy Returns and remind myself how lucky I am in other areas... Summer is finally here, it's very hot and the scent of Hyacinths permeates the gardens outside my residence. As I inhale the intoxicating fragrance, I wish upon a summer's night that everything will work out the way it's supposed to...

Moody Girl Out.

Sunday, 29 May 2011

Dancing Queen, Aching Feet

It's Saturday night and I'm recovering from an unexpected night. Dare I say that I had fun last night. For a few hours I was transported by the mesmerizing soulful sounds of Tortured Soul - the ultimate live house music band in the world or rather Brooklyn, New York. Usually I'm aware well in advance about my favourite upcoming shows, however, I almost missed the ball on this one. I say almost. My boyfriend, The Complicator (also known as my insignificant other depending on the day), decided to surprise me after a nice dinner at my favourite restaurant, Valens by taking me to one of the best clubs in the city called Revival (the coolest of all clubs).

At first, I was a bit peeved at myself for not knowing that Tortured Soul was in town and performing in a matter of hours. I pretty much found out after I wolfed away my woes with a big halibut and rice dinner followed by decadent chocolate mousse. Secondly, I wasn't sure if I was dressed hip enough to go dancing, I actually felt like sleeping after dinner. Then I thought to myself, this band is the ultimate natural high and I would kick myself for not going, plus I had consumed about 5,000 calories at dinner and thought I better get my cardio in for the month. (That's a different blog).

I removed my cozy cardigan to reveal a funky one shoulder top my sister Thalia had given me a while back, luckily I was wearing one of the cooler pair of jeans that had just enough stretch to allow movement. Back in November, when I last saw Tortured Soul, I had waited all year to fit into a snug, super tight pair of Tommy Hillfiger jeans. I had a hard time sitting down in those jeans, let alone strutting my stuff on the dance floor. I did what the other cool girls do, look good on the dance floor and shake my butt, as that's all I could do, till I had a stomach ache and had to undo the button. I digress, anyway last night it wasn't my ultimate "I look hot" look of the night as that requires a bit of planning for an event like this one. Thankfully I was wearing a pair of awesome black leather gladiator wedge shoes that not only made me look about four inches taller (yippee) but gave me this confidence that I haven't felt in sometime. Oh yeah, guys were checking me out and I thought, "um hmm, still got it". Well that was around 11:30 pm, these shoes weren't the best for standing or dancing as I discovered fairly quickly.

Tortured Soul didn't take the stage until 1:30 am and by that time if my feet could scream they would. I tried to dance the pain away and did some of my best moves and could see fellow dancers giving me the nod of approval. The crowd was great, laid back and there to have a good time. I danced until I saw colours, yep the endorphins kicked in and it was magical. For a short time, I felt euphoric and remembered how much I love to dance. That is truly my ultimate high, all my problems disappeared temporarily. The shoes were cutting into my feet and the pain was increasing but I danced like my life depended on it. The Complicator was dancing too while keeping the front row crashers at bay. Being in the front row was great, I got the wink from the lead singer/drummer a couple of times, check. Made eye contact with the bass player, check. Can never actually see the keyboard player though.

My work was done. Now, someone please carry me to the car. Okay so the walk out of the club was not so cool as I felt like my feet had abandoned me at 3:30 am. Note to self, maybe pick up a pair of travel flats for occasions like this. Half way to the car, I begged The Complicator to please go bring the car or carry me, he said, "I'll bring the car, as you're too heavy". Ouch that was a bit much I thought, "heavy" huh? So much for my confidence.  I told myself to ride the high as long as possible as the moodiness will return soon enough. So today was a slacker day, slept till 3 pm and when I woke up, my ears were still ringing and my feet were still aching. But all in all, that was just what the doctor ordered, Tortured Soul for Moody Girl, what a great combination.

Moody Girl Out.

Friday, 27 May 2011

Rainy Day, Rainy May

Hi, this is Moody Girl and welcome to my Moody World. I have a lot to be moody about these days (I'll get to that in upcoming blogs) but generally I'm moody on a regular basis. I have moments of happiness that comes in bouts of spontaneity like everyone else, but looking back I've always been somewhat of a moody person. For a moody person like myself, the continuous rain and dreary weather is a perfect backdrop to my low key personality, however, this is getting to be a little too much. One or two days of sunshine while the rain continues to pour relentlessly is starting to get on my nerves. Did I mention that it is not conducive to a good hair day! Not to mention I'm not sure what to wear on a daily basis, do I wear something dark and dreary much like the rest of the year or do I try to fool myself into thinking that wearing something light and floral will perk up my mood? This is quite the challenge for my wardrobe, but really what do I care? Lately, I've been in seclusion trying to get my life together. They say, "When it rains, it pours". (Who are they exactly?) It's very true indeed. I've had my share of obstacles these past two years, especially this past year with a culmination of intersecting events. I'm at a crossroads in virtually every area of my life. I tell myself it's a good transition for change to occur, but I'm nervous about what lies ahead. I have multiple obstacles to overcome and I've chosen to express myself through writing instead of heavy drinking. And so it begins....

Goodnight.
Moody Girl Out.