When Moody Met Broody

So there's this guy that I've known for a while, The Composer, he's a colleague of mine in the same industry. He's extremely intense, complex and a thinker with killer looks. Anyway, there's always been an attraction there, whenever we would bump into one another we were always happy to see each other and would pick up right where we left off the last time we saw each other. I was always able to add levity to our conversation and make him laugh. He had a long term live in girlfriend at the time, and of course I was with The Complicator in my separate no so much together relationship.

A few months ago, The Composer and I ran into one another at an industry event and we had a great unexpected evening in the warm company of one another on a cold winter's night (in a public setting of course). He told me that he and his girlfriend were no longer together, and was extremely broken up about it. I could see the hurt and pain in his eyes and tried to be all light hearted and crack silly jokes to make him smile. I at the time, was on very shaky ground with The Complicator and was having a difficult time concealing it on my face. I remember having a lovely evening with him and forgot about my own troubles.

Fast forward a few months later, and we ran into each other again at another event recently and this time things were very different. We went from friendly colleagues to outright overjoyed to see each other with some playful flirtation going on. This time, I informed The Composer, that The Complicator and I had parted ways. (Yes for real...another blog for another time). We laughed and joked around and talked about our favourite TV shows and cooking, and then it become apparent that most people around us had left and we were still there talking. He was completely focused on me and I loved it. This time around, I wasted no time in making a move and told him I would email my cell number and requested that he send me a text so that I would have also his number.

The next day, I sent him a brief email with my phone number and he texted me back, hurray! We were off to a great start. I suggested drinks on the Friday evening and he accepted. Friday evening couldn't come fast enough for me, I was utterly giddy from excitement. I couldn't stop thinking of how attracted I was to him when I ran into him recently. I wanted to look absolutely sublime without looking like I was trying too hard. The good thing about The Composer and I working in the same industry is that's he's always seen me look especially good at these events. (There's a lot of thought put into my look and outfits). So for our first date, I wore a green summery wrap dress that hadn't fit properly in years, and just happened to fit when I tried it on, with all the curves in the right places. I felt beautiful and sexy in it, I had a great hair day which made things so much better, my skin was glowing and I wore light shimmery gold/brown make up with gold jewellery and my favourite tan wedge espadrilles. It was a gorgeous summer evening with the warm glow of the sun shining on us. I could tell by his twinkling blue eyes that he appreciated the dress too! We went to a nearby cafe patio and ordered drinks and got started on getting to know each other better.

The Composer is involved in music (hence the name), specifically classical music, which is impressive and intimidating at the same time. I consider myself a bit of a music snob with an excellent selection of diverse “non-commercial” music on my iPod and an impressive CD collection ranging from traditional jazz, John Coltrane, Miles Davis to modern Jazz, Bugge Wesseletoft, Erik Truffaz with a sprinkle of Submotion Orchestra, Jazzanova, Dzihan & Kamien, Bebel Gilberto, Federico Aubele and of course my absolute love for soulful house music, just to name a few. So I have to say, I was a bit stumped when he told me this as the only classical music that I have are 2 CD's, Mozart (not sure which one) and Johann Strauss (again not sure which one), that were given to me by this guy visiting from Austria eons ago. (I really should have kept in touch with that guy). Nevertheless, I was able to quickly come up with something intelligent to say without giving away the fact that really I have no clue about any of it. In the past, I would listen to classical music for a short time, and then can go for long periods without listening to it again....until now.

The Composer told me that he has written hundreds of compositions, and has been playing the piano since he was 9 years old, wow! He also plays in a few bands and plays the bass too! Stop...I'm swooning just writing about all of this. Looking at him, you would never guess he was a composer, as he's ruggedly handsome, tall with a strong fit build. Blonde hair and blue eyes, mid thirties! Gorgeous! I had no idea that he was so talented until our first date, and now I see him in a whole new light. He's smart, layered, has a good sense of humour as I made him laugh (he has a great laugh and his eyes really do sparkle). What was most surprising to me was how I was seeing this guy I had known all along in a whole new light and hopefully he was seeing me the same way. It was new but surprisingly comfortable.

We spent the evening talking and laughing over food and drinks. I had told The Composer that I had plans later, (you know just to keep him on his toes), and throughout the evening he kept asking me if I had to leave and I said, “There's still lots of time”. We went for a nice walk together and then stood under the vintage streetlight that was adorned with a basket of hanging pink flowers, and the street looked practically magical. Couples were walking by us on this beautiful summer's night, hand in hand, everyone was in a good mood. I remember him looking at me with this intensity and adoration at the same time and I loved it. I wasn't sure if there was going to be a goodnight kiss and was extremely nervous and excited. I decided to give him a hug and he pulled me in close gently, and held me tightly for about 5 minutes. It was pure bliss, I didn't want to leave, but I did tell him I had plans after all and had to follow through. We bid each other goodnight (sans kiss) and I left.

When I arrived home, dewy eyed from the recent wonderful unexpected turn of events, I decided to listen to his music which he mentioned was available online. Wow....I was in heaven, so beautiful, passionate and moving. Had I become completely smitten in a matter of two days? My phone beeped, it was a text from The Composer, “I wanted to invite you over, but didn't want to be too forward”. I replied, “Perhaps another time” to which he replied, “Another time”. I was jumping for joy on the inside, it seemed that I had also made an impact! I was on an upswing indeed and it felt glorious to feel hope and happiness in this present moment.

Moody(ish) Girl Out.

Moody Girl's Guide: What Not To Do to Sustain a Below Average Relationship

Step 1 – Be ready when he's ready, or he’s leaving without you. Nothing shows how   important you are than hurrying you up regardless of your busy schedule, it’s his valuable time over yours.

Step 2 – Don't dress to impress – less is less. Before your Friday date night, he says, “Be casual, a pony tail with no make up and workout clothes will do”.

Step 3 – Don't ask where your relationship is going, even if a double digit anniversary is coming up. There’s never a right time to bring this up, and so what, if at this point the years are blending together. 

Step 4 – Don't suggest he get a car wash even though a bird did its business right as you  were getting into the car with your fancy dress, and your side of the windshield is covered in bird poop! 

Step 5 – Do not order alcohol, unless you're prepared to pay for it yourself. Translation: Tap water has zero calories and is zero dollars. 

Step 6 – Stay cool and don't get upset when he is talking to an attractive gallery attendant  for 30 minutes, oblivious to your eye rolling or coughing hints as you start to walk   backwards towards the door. Also applies to: Waitress, bartender, coat check girl, bouncer, janitorial staff, and any random person who crosses your path during date day/night).

Step 7– Get over the lack of attention when he's on his cell phone and doesn't greet you properly, even when you signal to your watch when it's past 20 minutes, and dinner is now cold. 

Step 8 – Don't seem bored when he feels the need to bombard you with tragic world events and depressing local news en route to dinner during date night. Translation: Talk about anything and everything but you.

Step 9 – Do not assume that being a long term girlfriend means that you can ask for a short term loan ($20 for a quick run to the grocery store or $200 for a new tire). Tough love tip: "Get 2 jobs, 3 if you have to". 

Step 10 – He passionately says, "Don't spend a dime on my birthday gift, save your money, you have bills to pay". Then sulks when he's presented an original poem written by you, and a home made gift certificate for endless hugs and kisses. Fast forward to your birthday when you receive a card, with more  words of  wisdom "Bike, run, walk, live life, work hard, be happy you're alive."

More fun tips to come....enough said!

Moody Girl Out.

Mundane to Fried Day - (Diary of a Moody Week)

Monday

Day: Crazy busy start to the work week, make sure my boss' train is on schedule from point A to point B. Coordinate a pick up time at the train station. Major deadline looming at the end of the week, haven't even started due to all the incoming emails that I have to take care of. Need to concentrate but can't due to the endless chitter chatter in the office. Block it out, back to work on the deadline...wait more emails coming through. Stop what you're doing run and pick up boss from the train station. Get back to the office, drop what you're doing. “Yes boss?” “You have technical issues with the computer, of course, it's Monday!” “Hello IT Department, please help this is urgent, there's no time for your 24 hour turnaround time”. Two hours later, a million other stupid little things pop up during the day, taking me away from my deadline. Great, it's 5 pm and the work day is over with no headway on my deadline. Pack it up.

Evening: Splitting headache, tired and hungry don't know what to eat, don't feel like cooking. Eating stale crackers and cheese while drinking flat ginger ale. No time for grocery shopping. One piece of fruit left hurray...wait it's rotten on the inside – crap. So much for that! Ring, ring, “Hello Mummy, how are you?” “I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to stop by to see you and dad after work”. “I've had the longest day and I'm so tired”. “Can I talk you to you in a little while?” “Oh Uncle is coming to visit you later, okay that's nice”. “Sure, I'll add all the items to the list and will pick it up as soon as I can”. “You have another doctor's appointment coming up, plus dad's specialist appointment, okay can you remind me closer to the date, what?” “No...you'll forget?” “Okay, hang on, let me grab a piece of paper to jot down the dates”. “Your other line is ringing, don't answer....it! Hello? Mummy?” Damn it!!!! Watch TV, make a cup of tea, go to bed early. Wake up at 1 am with the TV blaring, peel myself off the couch and crawl into bed.

Tuesday

Day: So tired, didn't sleep well. How am I going to get through the day? Damn traffic, rain, construction. Wow got to work 9 am on the dot, surprised I wasn't pulled over for driving like a maniac! Deadline is on Friday, need to get my draft finished and have it approved by 5 people. Drink coffee, wake up brain. Check emails, sort...not important, flag for later. Work on deadline. “Yes, boss?” “Your cell phone is not synching your calendar, okay will get IT on the phone.” “Hello, IT Department, yes it's me again, yes I know you're swamped with a major crisis on hand, with a possible breach of security, I totally understand, however my boss' iPhone calendar doesn't seem to be synching up with his office calendar, and as you can tell it is extremely problematic - as I'm seeing available spots in his calendar when that's not the case indeed”. “Bring the phone over now?” “Okay thank you very much”. Stop what I'm doing. Go see IT across the street. Get back, fire alarm, evacuate the building. Wait outside for 2 hours. Go inside, what's it's 3 pm? Haven't even had my lunch. Where's my lunch, crap I left it at home. 5 pm work day over, I'll stay late to work on my deadline. Blah blah blah Marketing department is having an after hours pow wow. Damn open concept, I hate it! Pack it up time to go home.

Evening: Ring, ring, “Hi Complicator, how are you?” “Are you calling me while driving on the highway?” “I've asked you not to do that”. “Someone just cut you off, what a surprise!” “Do you want to call me once you're home?” “Oh, you're on your way to meet Dieter” (new best friend). “Oh thanks for the movie offer while you're half way there, but Mad Max isn't on my top ten list and it's Tuesday night, I'm not a big fan of half price Tuesday as everyone and their dog is at the movies!” “My day? Oh, well it was a long day and I'm so tired”. “Hello? Hello?” Phone disconnected great! Okay, put bag down, change clothes, do a workout but I'm so tired. Ring, ring, “Hi, what happened?” “Your battery is about to die, where's the car charger I got you?” “Well it can't help you if it's at home”. “Hello? Hello?” Damn it!! Put groceries away after several trips to the car. Too tired to cook, I'll just eat snacks. Have a cup of tea with chocolate and watch one hour of TV then go to bed early. Wake up at 2 am on the couch, turn TV off and do a zombie walk to the bed.

Wednesday

Day: Waaa waaa waaa alarm clock rings. Is it 6:30 am already? Sooo tired, what am I going to wear today? Damn shoes everywhere, I have to organize my closet this weekend. Need tea, put the kettle on, what's that smell? Drats, forgot to add water. Not off to a great start. Crap just realized I have a 9:30 am meeting and need to get to work early. How is it 7:45 am already? Shit! Damn traffic, school buses and crossing guards, come on speed it up people, cross the road. Bumper to bumper on the highway, get to work at 9:05 am walk into office all sweaty, get a raised eyebrow and a look of judgement from co-worker. Need to make photocopies for the meeting, 8 sets of 30 pages. Beep, beep, beep – paper jam, bloody hell! Okay, figure it out...follow the red lights on the diagram. Good back to business. Idiot co-worker approaches, “What you need me to pause, so you can print an email now?” “Sure, sure, hurry up then”. 9:20 am, shit, make sure everything is ready for the meeting. Email from boss...what? Reschedule the meeting for next week! Are you frigging kidding me? (Inner voice/scream ARRRGH!). Need coffee, take a deep breath...everything is going to be okay. Time to redirect, deadline need to work on the deadline, get into the zone, listen to music and put ear buds on and block out the noise. “Yes boss?” “You can't open your master spreadsheet, let me take a crack at it”. “Stop everything!!!” “Hello IT Department, how's everyone today?” “Did I thank you for the other day?” “Oh, good you received my hand delivered card and chocolates”. “Is there anyway you can log in remotely and take a look?” “I see, the wait time today is 4-6 hours?” “Yes, I understand that you're not here to accommodate just our office, did I mention the chocolates are Belgian?” Crap, just realized those important emails that I flagged are due today! Okay multi-task that's why you got this job, calm under pressure, remember what you told them. Stop...incoming nerd alert...“Can I help you?” Moron co-worker says, “We're out of vanilla cream coffee”. My response, “Well thank you for bringing it to my attention”. “The coffee order is bi-weekly and I will add it to the next round, do you think you'll be able to survive without it for a week?” That's right, back away sheepishly like the little weasel that you are. I don't have time for this right now! Back to my deadline, start typing....urgent meeting request. Okay, got it reschedule multiple calendars, appointment sent. 4 pm? What? How did this happen? Okay, eat a snack, must work late to meet deadline. Why isn't Marketing leaving? Another bloody after hours meeting? (Code for ordering food in and total gab fest on company Visa). Just great, can't concentrate here. Time to pack it up.

Evening: Must go home and wash hair and blow dry/straighten and touch up nails, pick a nice outfit for tomorrow, make my lunch. Go to bed early, get to work early and make it happen tomorrow.

Ring, ring, “Hello mummy, what time am I coming over?” “Did I say it was today?” “Oh, mum you won't believe the day I had”. “Dad made an extra special dinner and he's expecting me?” “Okay, I'm on my way, please give me about 40 minutes to get there with traffic and everything and no calls after 15 minutes, asking where I am okay?” “Hello mum? Hello?” Phone disconnected. Breathe deeply....See mum and dad, have dinner. News update with dad...”I agree, so many bad things happening in the world, yes I am very lucky to live here and shouldn't complain about anything”. Update with mum about Bobby (brother) having health problems. “Okay mum I will check in on him”. “Yes I totally understand that he has a stressful part time job working 20 hours a week”. “Okay mum, I will try and be more compassionate”. “Love you bye see you soon”. “Mum don't call me in an hour to give me a random update okay, as I have to wash my hair”. 8 pm finally arrive home exhausted! Sit on the couch for half an hour tops, then wash my hair etc. Wake up at 3 am to a loud weight loss infomercial, shit! 16 hour eye make up is still on all smeared and won't come off, I look like a disoriented raccoon and crawl into bed and set the alarm. I will have to wash my hair in the morning.

Thursday

Day: Sunlight streaming into the bedroom, birds chirping merrily outside my window. Ahh finally Saturday! Wait, it's Thursday, crap! Alarm didn't go off, it's 7:57 am, double crap!!! No time to wash hair. Spray dry shampoo, yuck the fumes, it didn't do anything. Off to work with a greasy ponytail and a major headache. Did I already wear this black skirt and jacket this week? I don't remember, crap it's wrinkled. No time to steam :( Major accident on the highway, traffic at a standstill, can't even exit to take an alternate route. Stay calm, focus on your breathing. Park, walk, run up the stairs. Time check. 9:10 am oh well, not bad! I look like a bit dishevelled, but act confident while wearing a brown top instead of dark grey with my repeat black wrinkled suit (silent scream/arrrgh) – stay calm and try and get through the week. Everyone buzz off, I've got my deadline to work on and that's all that matters today. I can make this happen. I thrive under pressure or is it I crack under pressure? Visions of me running down the corridor screaming and yelling float through my head. No snap out of it, focus...deadline. “Yes, boss, you need a ride to your off site meeting for 11 am”. “No, you didn't mention this to me before, you're initial ride cancelled. Got it!!” (Inner voice...“Get your own bloody car, when the hell did I become chauffeur?”) Two hours later (as I was asked to wait in the car), back at the office, eat something quickly, tuna salad again, I'm going to be nauseous but brain food will be good for meeting my deadline. I can make this happen. Block everything out and get it done already. “Yes boss, your printer toner is finished?” (Inside voice...“Get the frigg off your lazy ass and walk down to the storage room, and get your own damn toner and shove it in your printer”). Sure, give me a minute....deep breath....need to play the lottery this Friday, can't keep doing this. What 5 pm already? Deadline is not even close to being done..shoot me!

Evening: Turn on the office computer at home, must push myself to get it done without interruptions. I'll feel better then I'll have time to tweak it Friday morning and send for approval. Making progress...good adrenalin has kicked in, stay away cortisol don't need any more belly fat. Wait...what's that dreadful sound? Someone's hammering over my head, they're not supposed to be doing renos after hours. Shit! Or is it the pyscho upstairs who has a few loose screws? Okay, grab temperamental laptop and work in the kitchen, Power up, will focus, turn on music...get it done. 8 pm all done! Phew! Now wash hair and feel powerful for tomorrow so I can get through the day with confidence! Finally done, hair is sleek. I'll take a quick break to drink tea, unwind and fast forward through one recorded show, then go to sleep on time.

Friday

Day: Wake up at 4 am on the couch, my back...how did this happen? Is it worth crawling into bed for 2 hours? Start the day, stretch, eye drops for the redness, take an Advil, have breakfast, steam clothes, hair is curly, straighten hair again, then leave early. It's almost the weekend! 8:45 am arrive at work early, time to fluff my hair and reapply lipstick and I'm ready to go. Wired and so tired, I walk in confidently, judgemental co-worker has the day off, of course she does! I start my edits, damn...incoming emails... scan fast, not urgent, flag for Monday. Back to edits...on a roll, get it done, you can do this. “Yes boss, your laptop has crashed and is not turning on at all?” “Hello IT Department, SOS this is an emergency, you need to send someone over STAT”....“Sure, I can walk over with the laptop in 2 business days for you to take a look at it”. “Of course I understand that you're dealing with a network emergency with possible international hackers corrupting the system”. A few minutes later, “FUCK!!!” After I tell the good news to the boss. Okay, it's not directed at you and don't take it personally, remember he hand picked you himself. Change in schedule, “What?” “You want to go to the train station earlier, sure (reluctantly) I can take you”. Drop everything and drive to the train station. Back to the office, now edits, go go go! All done, send via email to 5 people for approval. Note to the approvers, “You have 2 hours to get back to me, yes I said 2 hours! And if I don't hear back from you, I'm going to make a judgement call and publish it”. Incoming text from The Complicator: Plans later? Long walk? Bike ride? Run? My reply: Busy, day, will let you know later. Inner voice: “Are you on drugs???”

Evening: I'm going to make myself a nice dinner, watch a straight to video release on Netflix and take some time for myself to relax. Ring, ring, “Hello mummy, no I'm not visiting tonight I didn't say today, no you're wrong”. “Maybe on the weekend, let me see how I feel”. “Oh, you're not feeling well, I'm sorry to hear that I will check in on you I promise”. “Oh, it's also dad that's not feeling well and he's asking about me thinking I was coming over today?” “Okay, nice try mum but I'll see you on the weekend”. “Talk soon”. “Love you bye”. Ring, ring, “Hello Complicator, yes I did receive your text, but it's been one of those weeks, and so crazy busy, I'm sorry but I just don't have the energy tonight”. “Yes, I understand that being active is important and I can't just sit on the couch”. “I'm glad you had a good 2 hour workout at the gym”. “Another time alright?” “Thank you for being underst...Hello?” Phone disconnected, it's time to put the phone on silent. My time to relax...ahhh good tea, it's Friday night will cue up movie shortly. Just need to sit still for a bit, then will take a bath, meditate and go to bed early and get plenty of rest.

5 am wake up on the couch to a motivational infomercial...but of course!

Moody Girl Out.

The Spineless Man with Character

There once was a man everyone called Jack

All he could spew during times of crisis was yickety yack

He pretended to be a man of virtue

While he didn't really have a clue.

He educated himself to appear to be a better man

His new colleagues cheered him on and said “Yes you can”.

He walked amongst pedestrians with his head held up high

Yet he was clueless to his dearest friend's woeful cries.

“I am a person of honour and integrity” he decreed

Apparently he loved his wife but longed to be freed

When convenient he was drawn to the beautiful elusive flame

But was unable to conquer, control and ultimately tame.

Face the truth, I am everywhere she said

For you my sweet, I'm glad we never wed.

Live your life with shallow honour and dread

Sleep with the bitter corpse in your diseased bed.

The man called Jack only protected himself during an attack

He continued to pretend, fool and say yickety yack.

She said, live your life in shades of black

Walk through a polluted cloud of dreams with the character you lack.

I release you to the powerful sky, and wait patiently 

for justice and payback.

The Bitch in Black...Intro. to Botox Face

A couple of years ago, I landed this gig job working for the self proclaimed number one PR firm in the City called WLPR. I landed the coveted job of Assistant to Wanda Laufman. What appeared to be a high profile job of Assistant to the President, was really code for "I Own Your Ass 24/7". It was a 3 month stint that felt like an eternity in the land of this self absorbed woman who made Anna Wintour aka Meryl Streep's character in The Devil Wears Prada, look like a walk in the park next to this she devil.

Okay some fun facts about Wanda Laufman, who is a "self made" entrepreneur, who "didn't" marry a successful lawyer when she started her business from the "ground up" and made it on her "own". She's only in her mid forties (but looks much older), and desperately trying to hold onto her youth via way too much Botox, resulting in the bloated apple doll effect. For this reason, I choose to refer to her as Botox Face.

Botox Face takes a great deal of pride in her appearance, some would even say perhaps a tad vain. Her office consists of framed photos of herself. You see BF does a lot of shameless self promotion under the guise of "inspiring" and "empowering" women at speaking engagements, while being a domineering, exploitative diva in her insulated underworld she calls a company. In public and on TV, she spews insincerity from her pores and says thing like, "I believe in work/life integration". Translation, you are on my beckon call even if you just put in a 12 hour day, without lunch, possibly without dinner and commuted 2 hours to get to work and back, are dead on your feet, but you have a working phone, which she refuses to pay for because it's your personal phone that you only use for her calls, emails and texts and you have to pay for it anyway! So just because she rakes in $250K a year, why should she pay $40 for your phone and how dare you even ask!

Appearances are extremely important for BF, who lives on adrenalin, insecurity and a tall non-fat iced caramel macchiato. BF gets her hair styled every couple of days at a high end salon located two doors down. Her hairstyle of choice is rat's nest on top followed by stringy strands of overly bleached blonde hair at the bottom (because you know she started the Ombre look), complete with Carrie Bradshaw curls from 2003! No-one at the salon dared to tell BF that her hair was fried and that she needed to stop immediately!!! BF insisted that internal meetings with her selected minions employees be held at the salon, while she was getting her hair done, because if you weren't already high on life from being in the orbit of BF, well you may as well get high on the fumes of the chemicals seeping into her shrinking brain.

BF wears expensive designer clothes but only in black. A few magazines would photograph her collection of clothes in black, black and more black with headings like, "A Look at Wanda's Coveted Closet" or "Don't Be Jealous of My Closet".  The only colours allowed in her bleak world, belong on her feet, in her 6" stilettos, which she can barely walk in without looking like she's going to topple over on her face and let the air out!

BF's handbag of choice is a black Birkin bag, the ultimate status symbol, but she doesn't like to carry it herself. She would call me from her BlackBerry from the parking lot, located literally across the street, and order me to carry her Birkin bag, and at the time her brand new puppy LoKiEE*. I would run outside, cross the busy intersection (no traffic light) with cars whizzing by to get her Birkin and the pup, and proceed to walk a few steps behind her majesty as she entered the premises, while legions of gratefully employed 20 somethings lowered their gaze as she walked by them.

All hail to Queen Botox Face and heir to the throne Prince LoKiEE*!

Moody Girl Out.

Beating Heart, Fresh Start

Greetings & Salutations! It has been almost 3 years since I posted anything, and for that my sincerest apologies. It has been a tumultuous couple of years that have thrown me in many directions with a lot of unexpected changes...some good, some bad, a little tragic at times, but I'm still here. Bursts of unexpected laughter got me through a lot, and gave me a lifeline to hold onto while being in survival mode, rendering everything else to the back burner. 

There are no guarantees in life, your world can be ripped apart at a moment's notice. Sometimes one traumatic incident isn't what is thrown at you, but multiple things all at once from a merciless universe. Anyway, you know what 'they' say, "If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger". During hard times and a cruel sky, hope and faith for a brighter tomorrow prevailed and it still does. I'm back to share my thoughts once again, with a sometimes non linear timeline, and a dose of my moody sense of humour here and there...

The heart is a complex and wonderful little organ which keeps us alive by pumping blood in our veins. It allows us to breathe freely, which in turn keeps us healthy and alive. Any blockages in one or more artery can suddenly alter everything. Life as you know it is changed forever.

Heart surgeons are life savers. Through modern science and technological advancements, they are able to take arteries from other parts of the body and transplant them elsewhere, in order to bypass the blockages and allow the blood to flow freely once again. A second chance is given to begin to heal physically and emotionally with hopes to resume life one day at a time, and being thankful for every breath that is taken.

The interesting thing is...having open heart surgery doesn't mean that your heart will finally be open, where the blockages prevented not only the blood from flowing but perhaps the love from flowing. The irony is that one can have open heart surgery, have their chest ripped apart, put back together again and the heart can remain closed.

The person you stood by during the most difficult time in their life, holding their hand, hoping and praying for their survival and recovery, providing love and hope in their time of need, can shut you out of their life with no warning. Pre-surgery The Complicator and I got so very complicated. Post surgery, it appears that my relationship is becoming well... un-complicated.

I guess the heart wants what it wants, when it wants...

Moody Girl Out.

Razzamatzz! Jazzamatazz!

When you're feeling down and out and feel stuck in a rut, nothing picks you up like going to a good live show (it works for me). Of course this only works if all the planets are aligned, a clear weather forecast in effect (for fear of wrecking the hair). When you don't feel like getting dressed up for a night out, you can trick the brain by looking good which can transpire into feeling good. In other words pick your favourite outfit that never lets you down no matter how you are feeling, even after a heavy meal the night before. In this case, I opted for a basic black outfit ensemble (simple top & flirty skirt) with my tall Kenneth Cole wedge boots. My hair was straight and sleek, I had subtle make up accompanied with red lipstick for a dash of colour and minimal silver jewellery.

Of course a night like this can't be complete without having your favourite music aficionados accompanying you (in this case it was my sister Thalia and The Complicator). Sometimes, it's just nice to have a small group with you to enjoy the music without the hassle of "When's the main act coming on? What kind of music is it?" You catch my drift... This kind of show is for the serious lovers of of  jazz, neo-soul and a touch of hip hop blended with live musicians for a magical evening of music for the soul. There is no time to explain this to friends who love Top 40 (I won't mention any names in particular - Karina).

A few weeks ago I had the distinct pleasure of seeing the mega talented Jose James perform at The Great Hall in Toronto. This was my third time seeing him perform live and he didn't disappoint. But first let me set the scene. It was a damp, yet unusually mild Friday night in March (so much for the weather forecast, my sleek and straight hair turned into wavy hair. I embraced the wave at least it was frizz free). Thalia and I decided to go together and meet The Complicator at the venue. Thalia looked like a dangerously, beautiful vixen and had her no fail outfit on (we both chose black). We were both in a really good mood and there was no pressure to get to the venue, as we were arriving separately from The Complicator.

When we arrived at The Great Hall, the mood was set by other enthusiastic music lovers, an array of low key, cool, sophisticated hipsters (and a few oldsters, I say that with love). Now there's nothing that great about The Great Hall aesthetically other than the name, (to be honest, it needs a little love). I get that's it a Toronto staple, but it needs a bit of a face lift if you know what I mean. Anyway, Thalia and I walked in and all eyes were locked on us. (A good feeling, just what the doctor ordered). We both knew this was going to be a wonderful night, you could just feel it in the air. The Complicator joined us later in the evening and we were grooving to the hypnotic tunes of the DJ before the show and having a great time. The energy was magnetic, everyone was there to have a good time. No out of place drunk losers there to make a scene (thank goodness), just a peaceful, fun loving group of people.

Not only did we have the benefit of enjoying the mesmerizing sounds of Toronto's gems, DJ Paul E. Lopes and DJ John Kong throughout the the night along with Jose James of course. But the opening act Rinse the Algorithm turned out to be a delightful surprise. This experimental jazz quartet were a real treat to watch as they were superbly talented. They should be headlining their own show, they were that good. It's been a while since an opening act had caught my attention like that. Imagine my reaction when I found out they weren't from NYC (they had that cool Brooklyn look) but actually from Toronto, okay I was wrong. (For the record there are talented musicians in Toronto also).

The night was off to an amazing start, and then when Jose James came on, the night transcended into outer orbit territory with his new band and new style for this particular CD. The musicians almost upstaged Jose James at one point, the drummer was so passionate that he practically stole the show. I felt my mood lift and was transported into another world. Everything that had weighed me down during the week had disappeared. I looked over at The Complicator and he was grooving in his usual way. I looked over at Thalia and she was having a good time. A perfect night indeed, the kind that is so few and far between like a blue moon. But when it comes around you have to enjoy the moment and bask in its light as it will quickly pass.

Moody Girl Out.