Friday, 30 September 2011

White Knight, Ray of Light

Tomorrow is Nuit Blanche in Toronto - an annual all night festival of art and multi-media. Traditionally huge crowds of people swarm the city and prowl the streets, some for the art and others just for the sake of being outdoors for no reason other than to be hooligans. Regardless, it is a celebrated event that everyone looks forward to, as it's a magical night in Toronto.

Being the last day of September, White Night or Nuit Blanche got me thinking of a different kind of White Knight, not the kind that fairy tales are made, but perhaps the most unexpected person that can possibly save the day. This friend is known as M, and is my sister Thalia's best friend, and is a wonderful, sweet soul. Since M has some contacts in the film and television world, he graciously forwarded my resume to one of his contacts at a premier television/production company in the city. He emailed me today with the reply his contact sent back, and there may be a possible opening for moi! Yippee! Dare I say, I almost feel hopeful. All I need is a break, where my resumes don't get lost in a flurry of email submissions and never get read, or worse the corporate websites where I apply and never hear anything back after spending upwards of an hour filling out their extensive questionnaire, uploading my resume and writing an essay.

Okay, I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but can't help but wonder if the universe was waiting for the right time, as everything in life is about timing (and contacts). Oh please, please M's contact at ___________ call me! All I need is an interview, I know I can win them over. My horoscope has been implying that an auspicious occasion is near and that I need to be patient.

This week, Thalia and I visited M and his wife at their home, as they have a brand new baby girl. When I met the cute baby girl, all my cynicism floated away. When I held her, she felt like a ball of love in my arms. It's been a while since I held a cute baby, and I like this one a lot. She represents hope and I couldn't help but feel that perhaps my metamorphosis is also taking place, slowly but surely. Then something unexpected happened after my visit, I actually allowed my thoughts to drift into baby territory. Thinking to myself about how great it would be to have a baby girl. What? Then I went grocery shopping tonight and was terrorized by screaming, screeching, ill mannered children everywhere. I was so annoyed by them! I couldn't wait to get back to my quiet condo. I digress, okay the baby moment is over, but M's baby was more of a symbolic awakening for me, possibilities, birth, renewal, new beginnings etc. (you get my drift).

Well it's Friday and another weekend is upon us along with the start of October tomorrow, and today my usual disappointment at the end of the week is replaced with a glimmer of hope. Perhaps the start of something new awaits me next month. It's been a rough couple of months and I could sure use some positive news right about now. I'm ready to celebrate what's about to come knocking at the door. Maybe? Hopefully!

In the meantime, I look forward to celebrating my sister Thalia's birthday tomorrow, with my ever constant White Knight(ess), when the sky is black and is illuminated by lights during Nuit Blanche . 

Moody Girl Out.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Nosferatool

I was going to begin with a quip about how it's officially fall and the rainy, dull weather is fitting. But oh wait, some bozo decided to move the first day of fall to September 23rd instead? Like it's going to matter that it's technically still summer. Let's face it people, fall is here whether the calendar says it or not. You can feel the change in weather. The days are shorter, the sun makes a brief appearance and disappears and then the clouds part for the rain.

This kind of weather evokes something darker and melancholy in me, the little pep I had in the summer has long gone and the moodiness is in full force to compliment the dark days of fall. In my world, I'm more acutely aware of the Nosferatool(s) around me. These are the emotional vampires/dolts that pop up to drain me of what little energy I have left. I seem to be surrounded by them at every turn lately.

Just when I begin to channel a glimmer of hope and positivity to bring me out of my funk. A Nosferatool will appear or call me on my phone at the most inopportune time to blather on about their insignificant problems that I've heard a million times before. Now a Nosferatool is not looking for a solution to their most recent or past problem, they just want to vent, pause and repeat it all over again the next day. So in my moody haze I can take one of two approaches. 1) Listen and detach emotionally while giving a "uh huh" every few minutes while (in my head, plan something good to eat for dinner tomorrow night, usually a carb high). 2) Engage, and attempt to problem solve, only to get pulled into a heated conversation, until my blood pressure rises and my head explodes. Suffice to say Option 2 is not the optimal way of approaching things, in this case Option 1 serves my cause better when I'm already feeling physically and mentally depleted. A Nosferatool is merely looking to feed on emotional energy, they're not concerned about the after effects they have on you. It's all about them.

The clueless Nosferatool  may not necessarily express their understanding of your current situation that has left you feeling so defeated, or maybe after a long day when you want to hear some uplifting words, instead you hear, "Snap out of it, it could be a whole lot worse". Wow, thanks, I feel so much better now, and you think to yourself, why did I let you trick me into thinking that you might say something intelligent for once! This was just one big waste of time. Or if your job search is not going well a clueless Nosferatool may suggest that you try becoming a driving instructor or a postman and doesn't necessarily understand that you've spent a great part of your life completing a degree, that will hopefully jump start a possible second career of your dreams. A Nosferatool can often be out of synch with who you are and say hurtful things inadvertently in an effort to help you.

The self absorbed Nosferatool is the worst kind there is. This joker will pretend that they care about you and lull you into a false, hopeful state by pretending that spending a fun night together is just what you need. In actuality the self absorbed Nosferatool arrives in a bad mood because of something stupid like heavy traffic and then proceeds to vent irrationally about some nobody who cut them off an hour ago on the highway. Then, a fun night like going to the movies, becomes a dreaded horror of your own. An ironic contrast between seeing a funny light flick like say, Crazy Stupid Love, while the self absorbed Nosferatool is still reeling from the fact that you accidentally knocked over their popcorn, while trying to find the chocolate box you dropped. Yeah, a real fun night, we should do this again sometime!

Nosferatool(s) are are not ill intentioned people and there is no malice on their part. It is up to us to spot the signs of a Nosferatool, especially when low on energy reserves. It doesn't mean we don't love them or care for them, but we have to look out for ourselves too. It is up to us to protect ourselves and create a barrier between us and them. During these times seek out the Uplifter(s) - the warm, kind souls that understand you, and provide a source of light that makes you feel that anything and everything is possible no matter what. An Uplifter just may be the right antidote to a Nosferatool.

Moody Girl Out.